I have had some better luck with this episode. I was able to really sit in the quiet and not let my mind race a thousand places at once..... it's a work in progress. One thing that I was not able to do was concentrate exactly where I wanted. Instead I focused on those things in particular that are bothering me.
For example I had to change one patients catheter 3 times this week, and I'm worried how everything is working over the weekend. I also have another patient who has begun the dying process. I know she is comfortable, but her daughter and the staff are very upset about everything. I have been planning over the weekend an in-service for the staff about death and dying, so it's been playing heavily on my mind.
My husband has also been on my mind because he is on a trip out of the country and I know he will be very jet lagged. And then there is my daughter, who is home with me alone this weekend. I have been on call today and had to leave the house for about an hour. She is old enough and mature enough to be ok, but the guilt I feel is tremendous.
So basically I guess I focus mainly on my priorities. I think this is the main thing that has been preventing me from being successful with these exercises. I need to continue working on getting control of my thoughts/mind.... again, it's a work in progress. :)
Hi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteYou have a very important job! You are helping so many people put their lives back together and preparing people to live the last moment of their lives with dignity. Being a nurse is a tough job, I see my friends having to go to work and feel quilty for who they have to leave behind. It was for this very reason that I decided not to become a doctor, but am settling to become a nurse after I finish my health and wellness degree. It,s going to be tough because I am a single mom but I can do it : - )
I know you have a lot on your mind but I can tell by your blog that you are a strong and goal oriented person. I wish you well and I know you can do it!
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI work in our local cancer center as their only Integrative Medicine practitioner. This means that I may provide therapy for a person right up to the end. I have done this for many years, so have come to know the feeling of when death is near. Several times I am the one who has talked to the person's provider about upping their hospice care for end of life care. It is hard, as I spend 30 minutes to 1 hour with these people, sometimes 2-3 times a week when the family requests it, and they have a tendency to share their lives with me... I care, which is the comment often returned to my supervisor from the patient themselves, or after their passing, from their family. So, I can understand the demands you deal with, to some extent.
You have a difficult, demanding job that can pull bits and pieces from you... meditation and making time for yourself would be vital for you - mind, body and spirit. May good fortune rest upon you!
Hi Rachel!
ReplyDeleteHey, since I live in a suburb SE of Cleveland, having coffee one day sounds great, ok maybe a virtual coffeebreak, but you never know.
Thanks for your comments, right now I am getting ready to go the high school to meet with my son's therapy team and vendors and tech people to measure my son for modified seating and adjustments for a new Permobile power chair.
Those in healthcare can appreciate what this means to me.
The fact that he was approved for such an expensive high tech chair is amazing in itself.
But as a parent each wheelchair and equipment reenforces the reality of his disability and no potential miracle that he one day might not need one.
However, I should touch upon your post for this week, I used to work in health care in fact almst 20 years including 4 in the Air Force, before having my sons. Although the pressures of administrative rules and regs (which I know you are persuing), I felt gave me such burnout that I as a medical secretary/assistant, detracted from my desire to work with the ill, and underserved.
I have sat at the bedside of the dying, and talked with the families and it is a process that grabs hold of you as a caring individual who is trying to maintain professionalism, and not let it affect your personal life. I don't know if this type of job allows for that.
This Thanksgiving marks the 1st anniversary of the last time I saw my mother alive, as I took food to her in the nursing home, and sat with her for awhile.
I watched as she struggled to eat with a nasal canula and I did feel an odd sense of feeling separate from her, then before I left I went to hold her hand and she was ice cold in an overheated room.
The next few days, I was about getting ready for Christmas, and I bought her a few decorations for her room, which I knew she didn't always care about but I thought about the cheer, and the next day the nsg home called me to say they took her to the hospital just for testing.
Well, the hospital is about half hour drive, and my disabled son was home with a bad cold. So I just kept calling to check her status.
About two days later the I discussed palliative care with the doctor that eve, thinking I could get there the next day to see her.
By late morning they were calling me to get to the hospital and I couldn't figure out who could be here with my son, then by 2pm I called and they said she had passed.
My mother was a challenging person throughout the years to deal with, and I actually havn't cried, but it was my mother, so when you think you are prepared for these moments, I realize that often you are not.
I actually had her cremated, and that is topic for a post for another day, because it was another surreal event.
Thanks for reading such a long comment, gotta go,
Debra R.
Hey Rachel, I know how you feel we all have things that are running in our minds all the time. I have been doing that all week long because of having Thanksgiving dinners with like three different families is hard and we have to figure out how to get everyones thanksgiving on a certain day. We have run into some complications and its not fun and my mind is so stressed and I hate being stressed like this but I have also worked my mind into not worrying so much. I will let the Lord take care of it and not worry about it because I dont want to have problems later in life. But keep your head up girl your days are comming to where you will be able to not worry about nothing and you will be able to relax in any place that you can. Good Luck and hope your husband gets home safe and he doesnt have a hard time with the times.
ReplyDelete