I continue to struggle turning my focus inward and concentrating on not letting my mind wander. These exercises are leaving me frustrated because I now fully realize how hard it is to turn my mind off. I know that my mind races in moments of quiet, hence my insomnia issue. But I think if I keep practicing I will eventually get there.
This past week has been especially difficult for me. My 15th wedding anniversary was on 11/11 which is a big deal. The problem comes from the fact that the 8th anniversary of my dad's passing was on 11/12. I fully believe he waited until the next day so as not to upset my anniversary, but ti's hard to focus sometimes. I have tried for the past 8 years to not let his passing "interfere" with my attitude. Yes it was a devastating loss for me, a changing force in my life, but I can't let it destroy the good days. So I do focus on the good while memorializing his passing in a more healthy way. I think the years of doing this has certainly helped, so I'm very optimistic that the loving kindness and subtle mind exercises will be achievable for me as well.
My mind keeps me awake sometimes too, it is very frusterating! Thoughts that I push back during the day surface and won't leave me alone. I am hoping that as I practice the meditative exercises that I can quiet my mind in the day and the night.
ReplyDeleteThe passing of a loved one is extremely difficult to manage at times. It can help to realize that there is a better place we all go to after our lives are done here.
Hi Rachel -
ReplyDeleteI think maybe the key with these exercises is that it takes practice and we will not be experts right away. I have a hard time calming my mind too, so you're not alone, I am hoping that with practice I'll get better though. I have noticed a difference between the first exercise and this one, so something must be working.
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my grandmother, who I was very close to, 6 years ago and it was very hard for me as well. I do believe that she is still here with me sometimes though as I will see something that reminds me of her and it makes me smile :)
Hey Rachel, I am so sorry that it happend around your aniversary but I totally understand where you are coming from. I lost my son a week before I had his twin and so every year that it comes around that his birthday and then two days later is the anniversary of his death is very hard. But then I look at life as that God blessed me with two more children after that and I do get sad because I went through a tragic time when all that happend. I sometimes catch myself thinking about what it would have been like if he was here. I look back and remember all of what happened that day and that week and it is hard but we just have to pick ourselves up and think of the good days and good times. Well girl good luck and hope you start to feel better.
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteThe Subtle Mind is another exercise that requires something we all seem to be lacking... time! Hopefully you will be able to set aside time soon to really make an effort at "de-cluttering" your mind. Losing a loved one is never easy. The mention of him passing a day after your anniversary reminds me of my grandfather passing. He was very sick, in a coma, and not expected to make it through a day which happened to be my uncle's birthday. My father spoke to him while he was in a coma asking him to hold on just one more day and he did! The power of prayer and spiritual belief is something that proves itself evident even in the hardest of times.